The Story of How I Became A Christian | A Chapter From The Journals

Years ago, there was a terribly bleak season of my life where I was depressed, lonely, feeling like a waste of air walking around, and borderline suicidal after my entire world came crashing down due to a sequence of circumstances. To say that the future seemed pointless would've been the understatement of that year. I was a man whose heart was hollowed out leaving nothing behind but a husk of a human being. I lived out my days forcing a smile around others but was in reality simply going with the motions and internally crying out for death to take me. I was impatiently waiting for my final breath in this life so that I could escape it all never looking back. These were indeed dark days until one faithful day came. This was the day that the Holy Spirit came and dramatically transformed me from someone who had nothing left to live for into someone who saw his life as a blessing with a created purpose.

Now, for context as far as what I believed in, I always believed in "a god" growing up, but never really "knew God" (a major difference that I would later uncover in life). My parents took me to two different churches as a kid growing up, but I never actually paid attention to what was being taught. I simply fell asleep on those Sunday morning sermons and couldn't wait to go home to watch TV. I also didn't believe in Jesus and thought that he was just some symbolic figure representing a popular religion in the world. That is until I asked God one day, while reading the Bible, to help me with my unbelief to which He profoundly obliged. 

I wanted a sign from God to show me that believing in Jesus was indeed significant to life and not just some after thought way off into the distance. I hated the thought of just having this lingering general idea in the background of some famous guy in history who died on a cross for "reasons" that somehow controversially connects to the literal creator of the universe. I needed to know if belief in Christ was substantial to being a Christian or not or else I wouldn't feel right continuing forward on whatever this new path was going to be. And well folks...ask and you shall receive. After all, isn't that what Scripture tells us?

[Bible Scripture References]

Matthew 7:7

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.

Matthew 21:22

And whatever you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive it all.'

1 John 5:14-15

14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

Matthew 6:33

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided to you.

James 1:5

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

Jeremiah 29:13

And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.

God answered my request with the most unexpected method that I could ever imagine. He allowed for me to experience a spiritual attack by the enemy while simultaneously showing me how to escape said attack through scriptures about Jesus in the wilderness. So how did this event start exactly? I was reading about how Jesus rebuked the Devil in the Bible, and as I was processing what I was reading, I began to feel something extremely profound in that moment.

The enemy (or the Devil) started to attack me in a manner of which I could only describe in words as a heavy, soul crushing, unrelenting weight of oppression. Like some otherworldly giant blanket of negativity in its purest form being smothered over me that I couldn't physically see nor feel with my own senses but could internally experience nonetheless. This was eventually followed up by an emotional manipulation of sorts taking place. It felt as though I was becoming internally influenced by a disembodied force of nature to feel deep and utter jealousy and hatred towards Christ. This was something that I couldn't quite understand in the slightest considering the fact that I myself didn't have any deep connections towards Jesus prior to warrant such abrupt hatred. 

I then cried out to God yelling "I don't want to feel these things! Why would I be jealous and angry at Jesus? This doesn't make any sense! Why do I feel like I'm ultimately losing a battle here? I don't even know Jesus! What's happening to me right now?” I honestly felt like I was dying from the inside out and was being dragged down to the worst place imaginable in existence despite physically just laying on a couch in a living room. It was both disturbing and terrifying to say the least and something that I wouldn't want anyone to experience. Imagine feeling as though your very own soul was being slowly yanked out of you by something that you couldn't see who wanted nothing but the worst for you while making you feel hatred for someone that you never believed in.

A voice then whispered to my soul “Keep reading the scriptures, see what Jesus says to the Devil, and pay very close attention to how scripture label him". So I made every effort to try to keep reading on while feeling as though I was being trampled upon by a dark and dominating pressure. In my quick readings and research, I came across the titles that was given to the Devil in the Bible. Titles such as Father of Lies, Enemy, Murderer, Liar, Deceiver, and a few others stood out to me. Not only did I come across these names being used as a branding to identify our one true villain of the world, but I also took notice of how quickly the Devil himself ran away from Jesus during their various confrontations. 

This showcased to me just how powerless he truly was in the presence of God despite all of his strategic manipulative efforts. And it was right there in that moment that something even more profound took root. To my utter shock, I started to feel a new layer of frustration. Something greater than I've ever felt before...it was not my own. "Wait a second", I thought, "This isn't my anger that I'm feeling. It's yours!". And just to be clear, yes, I literally shouted at the Devil in this moment of revelation. I then rose up from where I was and stated out loud with a firm boldness, "You don't want me to believe in Jesus because you're actually threatened by Him which is why you're angry by my own desire to believe in Him! ”

Without even thinking straight in this emotional moment, I aggressively pointed my finger towards the floor as if visualizing the Devil in Hell and I literally yelled out at him "It is written! Jesus has defeated you and you have no power over Him nor I for I am choosing to believe in what He did for me!" With this powerful declaration uttered, what was once a dominating, oppressive shadowy presence internally tearing me apart before became a faded nothingness as if casted out by an unstoppable force of righteousness. It was in this moment that I finally officially believed in Jesus Christ being that I myself experienced firsthand the enemy's frustration towards Him and the power that He held.

It became a simple logical fact for me processing everything that transpired. Three simple realities became clear. First off, I asked God to help me with my unbelief towards Jesus to which He gave me an unforgettable experience that same day that ultimately lead to my belief. Second, if Jesus wasn't real, then the Devil (who I knew in fact was real) wouldn't care if we were to put our faith in Christ. The enemy's anger and jealousy towards this man who died on the cross for mankind's salvation in addition to God's instructing of me to follow the scriptures was all the proof that I needed. And lastly, the fact that God wanted me to lean on the Bible for insight made it clear to me that the scriptures were indeed "the Word of God" and not man made nonsense. 

[Bible Scripture References]

Hebrews 4:12

12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

2 Timothy 3:16-17

All Scripture is inspired by God and beneficial for teaching, for rebuke, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man or woman of God may be fully capable, equipped for every good work.

It all connected for me right there and it felt as though a giant weight was casted off of me like a lifted anchor allowing me to finally sail forward. I asked God to help me believe in Jesus if He truly wanted me to and I got my response. It wasn't some glorious shining image of Jesus appearing through the clouds coming down to greet me. It wasn't some shiny spectacular display taking place within a vision in some majestic, religious setting somewhere in the world. Instead, it was an intense, spiritually aggressive, existential confrontation that took place in an apartment living room to which Jesus was my one and only shield to stand victorious. It truly is amazing how God can go against our expectations and still deliver something even more impactful and profound solidifying His authority to us. 

Knowing the truth of the enemy's feelings towards mankind believing in Christ in an intimate way was a real game changer for me. It took a battle and revelation to both reveal Jesus's credibility to me while also giving me a newfound drive in life. A drive to live for the one who gave me life and who ultimately saved my life (that is to reference the gift of salvation through Christ's finished work on the cross for sinners like me). This is why we ought to praise God for transforming us through our own unique experiences and personal stories. He gives this freely out of love and with purpose to help us grow in our spirit, to glorify Him through our revelations and sharing of testimonies, and to becoming who we were created to be in Him.

[Bible Scripture References]

Isaiah 55:6-7

6“Seek the LORD while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; 7let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.

John 3:16

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life.

2 Corinthians 5:20

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin in our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

Questions At The End of the Day

So, to my fellow Christian brothers and sister, what is your story? When and how did you become a believer? What was that tipping point moment for you? Did God do something profound in your life that lead you to your belief? Was it something as simple, yet certainly no less impactful, as Him just giving you a moment of revelation from reading scriptures? Perhaps He allowed you to experience something in the world that ultimately lead you down a path right to His door (so to speak)?  Do not be afraid to share what God has done in your life as your testimony just might be the very thing that God uses to help open another person's eyes to the truth.

And for the one reading this who hasn't come to a place of believing, if you struggle to believe in Jesus, you only need to ask God to help you with this. Maybe you do believe in God but the Christ dying on the cross piece of the puzzle just isn't working for you due to whatever reasons for doubt that you may have. Well, as He promises in His word, God will give to those freely according to His will. And what is something that we know for certain is in His will? For us to know Him.